About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
