If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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