I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
