Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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