Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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