Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
