Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
