I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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