One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
