I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
