the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
