there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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