im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
