I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
