I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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