It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
