I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
