Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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