If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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