no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
