My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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