so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
