I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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