is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
