apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
