I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
