Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
