when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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