A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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