Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
