my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
