He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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