Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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