Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
