Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
