Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
