I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
