yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
