Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
