People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
