it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
