Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
