yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
