I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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