Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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