no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
