I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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