Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
