i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
