If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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