Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize