i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
