So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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