You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She just used a chaser for red wine.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
