toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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