I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
