went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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