i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
