Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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