theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
