No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
