Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
COCAINE IS GR8
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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