Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
