She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize