Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
