He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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