becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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