Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who died my cat blue again?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize