so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
