Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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