real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize