mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize