now i know why i became what i already was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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