Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
