I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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