This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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