I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
