I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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